COLLECTIVE TAMAYO

moving!

2011-11-27T21:50:00.001-08:00

http://darya-tarawneh.blogspot.com/

Ramble 1;

2011-08-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

This chapter of my life is called having a crazy flight! Blogging from Korea on the way to my new home! Already spent 12 hours flying, 8hours in transit and still I am half the way through! Looking from thewindiw waiting for my turn to get to the bathroom and then have breakfast at 1:00 ! I know I am just rambling nonsense but I will appreciate documenting this one day!

first day of Ramadan!

2011-08-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Respecting religion,respecting culture, context and society are things involved in mu day to day job in the development field and things i have learnt through the years but now what about my my thoughts and believes to be respected in return?

So this is the first day of Ramadan and the first day of August! with only four days left for me in the office.... coming today i was drinking coffee in my car while coming to the office. With the glass hidden in the car and me trying to hide the fact that i am inserting something in my mouth i couldn't help but laugh at the contradictions in my society. Where people call for freedom ! Where slogans of well structured and democracy fill the streets! here i am hiding my nonreligious believes for the mere reason of not going to jail. Not fasting is something the Jordanian society does not accept. Not fasting is a felony. For not fasting one will spend the whole month in jail.
while driving to the office today i could not help but feel that ////// NOT fasting = PUBLIC nudity! ///////////

I had my first 5 newzilish dollars today!

2011-07-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Fact of the day; newzelish currency cannot be torn. The face Mr. Howard something whom I never heard of or seen before fills the paper with a stupid British smile. As ignorant as it seemed but this distant very far country has nothing in relation to us except the only reliable source of sheep meat that my mother used to buy when we were young “ sheep in newzeland eat grass, sheep in Jordan eat plastic bags!” in a way she made sense for a 10 year old!

I never knew that such a step will come uninvited, sudden and impulsive still we are welcoming it with open arms.

So going back to the currency at hand; holding it at such a time and being handed from this certain person at this exact moment had the effect of the wakening morning coffee once it hits the brain.

Friendship is just an unpredictable factor in people’s lives; it can be augmented, patronized or even criticized but it is never static and never reasoned. . The fact that people’s relations are over rated had always haunted me until the point where all my relations on the margin of collapsing. All the things that are still not finished, conversations that still to be continued, colors and brushes to be bought and all the canvases that still to be filled with colors will always be on hold until further notice.

This is the first goodbye and I reckon that what will come next will not be easy. I will have to be always thankful for having a partner who shared an addiction to red askimos!

I got to admit having those 5 dollars in my pocket is quite exciting. I will be missing you my friend.

selling

2011-07-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

So... it is official! the lis is online and we will start selling our furniture along with our memories. The first big step.
My eyes promised that they wont tear when they see the house empty. I hope they will keep their promise.

Deadlines

2011-07-17T04:25:00.000-07:00

Deadlines of things i wanted to do and things i wanted to finish for months started piling up. Like a student who leaves his homework unresolved until the dawn of the exam to start studying. As if i was back to collage and my submission is late due to my constant elaborate procrastination.Why do i keep doing this and why do i take time for granted is a question i need to ask myself repeatedly. Dates lined up like wild fierce numbers falling from the sky. Unfinished paintings, unedited photographs, un-photographed images in my head, unfinished books, un-digested information and unbounded relations pile and pile and pile until they become a big mountain of screams and insecurities that i am afraid i will carry with me as a baggage of regret. Not allowing to move on or to set priorities in this very tight scheduled of numbers that were done and undone. They pile up above my knee to reach my thighs, cover my hands, reach to my neck, my mouth, my eyes, my head.. Until i suddenly breath!

Approved!!

2011-07-12T04:10:00.000-07:00

12th of july! Approved. Our application to enter a new life was approved. For me personally it was if a jailer sitting on a cloud has stamped my application with his verdict! APPROVED! still can not comprehend the idea in my head and the digestion of this sentence is quite hard at the moment. Can not hide the sigh of relief and can not hide the fear and excitement. Too many feelings that contradicts itself and tearing me apart from inside.
This date will mark the start of a new life, in a new place with new people.

2011-06-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

design in the development field!

2011-05-05T04:43:00.001-07:00

The more things change the more they stay the same!

2011-04-24T05:27:00.000-07:00

Dated 2011!

decided to reread some of the old posts that i once wrote back in the days and i realized that the only constant thing in me is change though the more things change the more they stay the same.

I was wondering when did my indifference towards human relationships hit rick bottom and i think i have a date now!

The differences is i used to like Arial before now i am obsessed with Halevtica!

Dated in 2005 and 2006…. Woooo two years has passed.. two years might actually change you… not really but it might change some minor things in you… something that would be undesired and unwanted some things that we hate .. or simply others hate.. looking back at some pictures that are dated in 2005 I realized that have even changed my own skin.. two different people that don’t belong to each other. Two different souls that in the real would have never met…in the picture two people who are hugging me and we seem really happy.. hmm I wonder…. two people that right now I would not call friends… that was so weird …it is so hard to believe that my best friend and my sister will vanish from my life and all that happened in only one year.. it is like being able to build a whole building out of scratch… after removing the older version its is so hard to believe..… and the hardest of all realizing how easy it would be.. more easy that what our limited small imaginations has given us.. a whole package I changed…a totally different person I ought to be.. new life.. new friends and new freaking environment… to be honest am sitting in a place that I never even dreamt of having that is so beyond of my capability of dreaming… strange strength that comes out of me.. a heart that once was beating now had turned into a stone.. like having no feelings at all.. only running and jumping towards my ultimate skyscraper.. building that high thrown for my self on the last floor.. and looking at people.. we were joking about me and him being Mr. and Mrs. gods. If only he knew how real was that. I am really the goddess of my universe and in my universe every one is my servant. My old friends that once were my soul mates that Ii never imagined I will live without.. .. now on the honor of my new thrown and on the name of my new kingdom I decide to celebrate .. celebrate that new and mean and sick psycho me… I celebrate the new implanted stone/heart I bought myself. I went to the flee market and I decided to indulge my self by buying a new skin to suite with the new stone/heart…. To suite the new goddess..I decided to change my life again

Paint Map- introducing the fence project

2011-04-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

Paint Map is a project that combines Art,people, geology and maps. It is a based website that shows the multiple mediums of urban representation for the contextual areas around artist. How their vision of their surrounding is reflected on their canvases.

The project that started in 2008 shows a similar version to the Google maps but instead of regular pictures that people add they are adding paintings that show the area and the exact place where the painting was done.

I was so thrilled to see this project as it would a great opportunity to play with my Fence series, which are photos i have taken for fences through my travels.

Fences represent semi boundaries rather physical than visual. They allow the extension of sight towards an unreachable place and allow the imagination to create actions and play within this place. They define an area that is allowed to be truss passed and manipulated only with a significant amount of effort.

Remembering Barbie

2011-04-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

OMG she is alive! Barbie is not just a doll! she has a soul!

Australian model Erika Heynatz touches a 2.1 metre high Barbie doll chocolate mud
cake to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the world's most popular doll.
The 1,200kg cake covered in gold icing, silk and 2,000 Swarovski crystals

The americanized and well marketed version of the german Bild lili doll that was also built on a comic strip,Barbie was fist exhibited in the First International Toy Fair in 9th of March 1959. This date is considered the birth of Barbie.The idea for the doll came when Mrs Ruth Huddler watched her daughter play with paper dolls and suggested the idea to her husband who was the owner for Mattel, Inc. at the time. The idea was not appealing to the husband but after a visit to Germany and upon seeing the Bid lili German toy the story began.

During those years Barbie was marketed as th image for the perfect woman and created a cult of troubled teenagers who thrived to look liker her. the thin, tall, blue eyed and blond image is the new standard of beauty resulting in anorexic and bulimic troubled girls.

I remember buying my first Barbie, long hair blonde and wearing a swimming suites. At that time those dolls were expensive and they were hard to find - i am not that old but come on it was hard to find anything in the Jordan. We used to compare original ones and fake one by looking at their arms. Straight arms meant that it was not while bended arms were the sign of originality!I used to sue clothes that i cant wear for them and try to imagine how their lives would be, a princess on a deserted island or a rock star with fans all over her. It represented a life i would never have.

But the older i became i realized what this doll has been marketed to do. Barbie was highly marketed to follow the trends and the cultures of different areas. It became a pop icon in no time not only for the western world but it created a must purchase object on an international scale. The thing here it was never an original product. It was a doll that infiltrated pop culture and manifested itself in different places, the Pilot Barbie, the hot star Barbie, the hippie Barbie, the astronaut Barbie and down to Sarah Palin Barbie!

In 1992 a new talking Barbie was published with more than 270 phrases such as; I want to go shopping, i want to eat Pizza and math class is tough! promoting an unrealistic image of women, concentration on clothes and pretty blonde hair accompanied by those phrases had made Barbie the ultimate image that presents the proverb- be beautiful and shut up.

The birth of the dolls on the 9th of March which is also Women's day is a little bit ironic. The image for the modernized strong women that is celebrated internationally has to share that celebration with Ms Barbie who reflects the image of the stupid, foolish woman or at least this is the vision of Barbie now!

Every thing comes to an end and so the beloved hot Barbie image. Pop culture is standing against this figure that it once created. artists and activists are finding ways to diminished her essence and break the taboos that are revolving around her. Showing this piece as a regular bloated woman who eats, drinks, kills or even farts and i dont mean butterflies farts!

Right now as a result teenagers are looking at more hip and modern images to follow such as Bratz or other entertainment electronic devices leaving the company to break on the edge. Mettle.Inc are trying to boost the popularity of this ending glory for their beloved doll on her 50th birthday but sadly the cake and the fashion show did not give the intended results!

If you want to know more about Barbie and all the gossips that are going on on her life check out this crazy blog!

http://barbielistholland.wordpress.com/

the evolution of Micheal Angelo!

2011-04-17T03:13:00.001-07:00

The boy in the bubble

2011-04-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

David Phillip Vetter (September 21, 1971 – February 22, 1984) was a boy from Shenandoah, Texas, United States who suffered from a rare genetic disease now known as severe combined immune deficiency syndrome (SCID). Forced to live in a sterile environment, he became popular with the media as the boy in the plastic bubble.

The boy later becomes the inspiration for many movies and was mentioned n movies and series as an exotic distinguished figure and expectational a superb gamer or extra ordinary loner.Never the less the idea of the poor guy sitting in the small bubble i suppose not understanding how the world around him can be disturbing exquisitely harsh and banal!

SCID is a congenital disorder that causes immune deficiency because the B-lymphocytes and T-lymphocytes in the adaptive immune system are not working. These lymphocytes are usually born in the bone marrow and exist in the body in lymph nodes, where they are essential for fighting bacteria and viruses. The diagnosis SCID is confirmed when babies are around 6 months old, because at that time the antibodies they’ve received from their mothers in fetal life are beginning to go away. By the age of 6 months, these babies are beginning to have lots of weird infections that healthy individuals normally don’t have, such as some specific cancers and infections caused by bacteria in our normal flora.

Facebook. The new monster

2011-03-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

It is very hard to imagine that Facebook started in 2003 and went public in 2006. In less than 10 years Facebook which was a small project became a multi billion dollar business. The key to the success of this new young company is the huge data base that it stands on. Over 80 million user are subscribed to this network with more than 550000 active application for people to use.For me this is becoming scary!

Not only facebook is becoming an important factor in people's lives but it is starting to shift it and change it. It drastically changes its appearance and way of interaction and no can reject or object to this dictatorship regime! ( I wonder if after 20 years people will revolt against facebook and will find its place next to Mubarak, Zain alabeden and Gathafi!)

In addition, one's security is bein

g endangered by Facebook. How m

any of you read the contract that agreed upon when you signed into facebook? i reckon no one! The rules clearly says that your information and anything you post on facebook dosenot belong to you and it belong to the other party. This means that if you post a picture and you remove it facebook still has the copy right f

or it.

If you wish to post a comment unanimously, serf the web without being recognized, then forget about it! the concept of unanimity is fading out. Websites previously asked for a sign up before entering or downloading any information now they do not have to.They can access your information through connecting to facebook! The access your account and they ask you to allow them to post on your wall and change your status! Check out slide share and Groovshake!

The hardest part to understand is the directed consumer ship factor. If you are annoyed by the google Ads that come up according to your interest well then you will hate this. Soon enough Ads will be directed specially for you according to the information that you have provided, websites that you surfed and the blogs you comment on. So, if you like porn then be careful. Porn ads will be pouring at you!

Be afraid!! Be very afraid!!

What if life was a big bubble!

2011-03-12T09:16:00.000-08:00

self resolution

2011-03-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

If an allegory can be used to describe the way my life has been, I would choose that of the metamorphosis of a chrysalis into a butterfly—the achievement of maturity through a difficult process of hard struggles. My struggle when I grew up came from my desire to become everything and everyone at once. I wanted to be the medical doctor, the dancer, the artist, the player, the musician, the ballerina and every single occupation I had in mind. Every day proved that this is not applicable and this cannot possibly be- in this life at least.

Since my early age my mom discovered that I had a clear passion for paper, colors and crayons. She thought this can be a starting point in my career as an artist hence she enrolled me in an art school to get my first Art diploma, I was only 17 at the time. This was the first step that I remember that helped shaping my life and gave a definite direction to where I want to be in the future and who I want to become. This has affected every decision that I have made in my life afterwards.

Choosing a subject to study in collage was easy for me. I had the choice of going to Design school or architectural school based on my previous expertise in this zone but due to the fact that my both parents were medical doctors I had to chose the second one because it went under engineering section.

Today, as an Ex-architect who ventured in the fields of design, Art, Film making, shoe design, urban planning, photography, product design, magazine writing, and children illustration I have ended up in the design and media for development field.

The journey was all confusing and vague from the start till now and though the decisions were dependant on external factors and opportunities that came along the way, I now know where I belong and where I will focus all my efforts on.

Getting involved in the development field gave me the chance to intertwine all the issues that I have studied and ventured in, teach them, experiment with them and turn them into ways for conflict resolution and developments tools. During my work I have witnessed with those means have changed underprivileged lost youth who failed in the academic field to express their ideas, their emotions and build up a career out of Art, photography, film making or any related mean. The impact took a long time but the results were definite and concrete. For me to see this change is the ultimate and most satisfying feeling of self worth that drives me to continue and give me strength and power to be able to affect people’s life hence affecting their future.

AA Domisticity part 2

2010-12-10T11:57:00.000-08:00

Domicticity film was the outcome of the summer course workshop in the AA in 2009.

an imaginative reality that lies on the margin of dystopia. the work was done by 15 students who barely knew each other but managed to find a way to communicate and share ideas.

An extreme imaginative scenario occurs as a result of the continual operation of a city's legislation that initially had aimed to protect its urban environment yet in actual fact ends up producing a completely different type of urban environment and co-habitation. As a speculation it is relevant and also the individual local strategies that are proposed (ways of producing food) are imaginative but also practical. The inhabitants actually have a certain level of pragmatism, collectivism and cooperation that paints a very particular view of the city.

AA Domisticity part 1

2010-12-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

visualizing women's rights

2010-12-10T10:28:00.000-08:00

I wonder why women rights activists, feminists lack feminity themselves!

Spending 4 days it the middle of the desert trying to learn the tactics of visualizing women’s rights with a group of feminists was an eye opener to the stereotypes in the female’s world. Besides learning the tactics and the useful tools to defends humans rights and advocacy campaigns I realized that this is a great chance to observe people’s behavior.

Feminists hate to polish their nails and they take no extra care of their skin or wax their legs. Personally I found this a bit obscene as being a female and calling for gender equality doesn’t actually mean a woman = a man! Not in the literal term at least.

Feminists would do anything not to be associated with a man. Situations raged from the lack of self indulgent in an emotional relation to the opposite kind to the lack of emotional urge to be noticed by the other part and yet substitute it with love from the same gender.

The overall experience was overwhelming an revealing to some extent. A new gender of people was revealed that I might not approve today but willingly defend tomorrow. For now I think it is still undetermined.

2010-11-29T10:28:00.000-08:00

so what should you tell someone after a long long period of absence!! ammm

HELLO

2010-08-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

And so on the count down begins..... and thing becoming freaky. Change is not always inviting in this case it needs many preparations and requires more work..

Counting

18 :waiting for the contract, waiting for visa, grandma is here, waiting for cards,going to hotel to finish reservations.
.
.
.17: Hotel checked, problem accrued need to look for a couch. design for the pool.final schedule for the vacation
.
.
16:hand flowers.. check white couch, check guest book, work for hussein !!

15... SOMEONE HITS MY CAR! as if i needed this now

14 cards are here.. they look amazing. the hardest point in any trip is the middle point. you either go forward or just quit!

13: got the gold from the gold guy looks good, got the posters, the flower bouquets is set. wedding wish list set

12: Sometimes life just leads the way and change is the best thing a human being can do fixed the cards and ready to be delivered,posters waiting to be hanged , a break! for the first time in a month we dine out!Pekin is really good

Choke Review

2010-08-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

One gay writer, 306 pages, 16 women mentioned, 8 sex scenes, more than 2000 rock gathered, full description for a sexahilic destabilized mind, a medicine student who has quite voluntarily for a better purpose, crazy old mum, sympathy towards dying mum, big surprise that someone is not who turned to be, a mysterious paradox at the end, murder, police chase, self indulgence, the importance of being part nf a bigger plan, self destruction and unrelated events that dosen not lead to one practically theme to end with a happily ever after cherry on the top story.

The book was recommended by someone who I respect greatly and found the need to understand his crazy obsession about the writer. Reviewing this book I can say it is everything a story can be merging all plots and unrelated dramatic events to serve the propose of cynical and extreme wittiness. Hatred and detachment of reality for the sake of wasting time and acknowledged persona to be taken as a hardcore matcho man. (yes angriness and hatred might be a little bit sexy and attractive but!!)

one month to go

2010-08-18T03:58:00.000-07:00

Status, clothes, house, furniture, life, Passport, martial status even work place and title and at some extent career !
change is always inviting to other changes.. and whatever that stays constant in that loops will always be objectified and obtained as one extracted element that will always ache until it falls in the change cycle. Here i am after months and years of locating and relocating standing at the beginning of the road:not a crossroad because decisions have been made.Nothing is left now except to wait and welcome what ever is going to come with open arms. One more month to go.

Man in my office

2010-07-26T04:41:00.000-07:00

so here is thought, in work place at 3:00 daily the office boy comes and takes the garbage from each office. the thing is that am always sweet with those men and i take my own garbage out in order to save the embarrassment for them and just treat them like human beings, with Respect. Every day this man takes my things and he never answers me back when i tell him thank you or god bless you. today the sercet was revealed.(sound of drums beating very very fast) am not a decent woman for him to answer.he answers my collegue (who is vailed) with yes ya a5te(yes my sister) and please and thank you ya a5te! but he never answered me though she is a bit mean to him. !AAHHHHHH! (with mouth wide open and hand closing the mouth revealing a deep voice that reflects a big shock)! yes, apparently this man considers me not of his standards to answer me or i will be the reason he goes to HELL! LIKE i want to go to heaven with this type of men!

AGAIN HUMANITY FAILS

2010-07-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

AND we did it

finally after a whole week of anticipation and waiting, and a long day for running in the streets asking strangers to vote for us we DID IT.
my baby sister who never won anything and never been anywhere is going to South Africa to watch the final game! yes the final game:)
If you ever go into a compition and you need as many people as u can gather to vote for you here is the recipe:
1. first couple of days ask your friends and relatives to vote and ask them to share it on thier profiles.
2. look for groups and paste it on the walls of the group
3. in 2 did not get you vote MAKE FAKE ACCOUNT(or you will be blocked by facebook) and send to all the members of the group private messages(yes SPAM)
4. Send to the admins of the groups to make you an admin so u can send those people with high privacy accounts
5. hunt people on the chat and make them vote on the spot
6. send private messages to all yours friends who have not voted yet. if all of them did take ur best friends email and send to all his friends to vote. ask other people to do that to make sure you get the most out of the votes.
7. if all ways fail and still there is a huge gap between you and the guy you can make three teams and go to the streets and ask strangers to vote(or in our case run after strangers to listen to you and vote).

WE DID IT MY BABY SISTER IS GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA.............

sailor man

2010-06-24T06:32:00.001-07:00

Life

2010-06-21T06:46:00.001-07:00

Life and death is overrated matter and in fact it is more of a selfish matter that concerns the human's inability of being alone.

I have not seen in my grandpa my whole life, am not sure if he knows I do exist in a matter a fact is not sure he cares or he cared. And yesterday he dies and I have no slightest feeling or the will to tell anyone about it. Blood related obligation is supposed to be the strongest bond that abides people to each other many proverbs were based on this conception as to stress the importance of family relation and here I am finding this to be the ultimate misconception humans have ever made! Relations are only who is around you or who you have spent time with. It is more related to memories and even memories are erased by time.

I always wondered how is like to have a dominant male in the family, male presence was kept to the minimal when I was growing up, finding out that I had a grandpa was pretty exciting but finding now that he is not there anymore is a bit (normal!).

a gift

2010-06-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

dear god

2010-06-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

ammm.. if u god is the ultimate wisdom and the greatest justice then why don't u give people their right in this life! do u think they want to wait till after life while suffering in agony and hatred till u come to the rescue!
maybe .. just maybe i have n intention to go to the boring heaven! (maybe if i was a man)!

Trends

2010-06-06T06:37:00.001-07:00

20: Mary Jan shoes, long pearl head band (cloche)or a flat flowered hat with below the knee dress, quite, full length stocking colors are black and white

30: similarities to the 20s, shallow hats with a band on the side, small leather bag with long strap. Silk hand gloves. More styles of shoes and specially the flat heel(the platform shoe á la Carmen Maranda)or Louis heel shoe, tailored longer dress, white and pale stocking.

40: long dress, nylon swing skirts, colorful makeup, corks and crocodile leather shoes; shoes were more heavy and low heels. Abandoning single sheet of corset and the age of the cantilevered bra!early 40s were the trend for men's wear.

50: ballerina shoes, black and white colored, back to gloves and long figure dresses for women, and pencil skirts leather jackets for men.

60: colorful clothes, miniskirts, mini dresses, kitten heel shoes, bandana for the hair, women went barefoot and many dressed like hippies, nicely combed perfect hair and mostly raised asa pony tail

70: colorful patterns, miniskirts and v nicked dresses, hot pants(extremely short sorts), platform shoes.

80:big shoulders (shoulder pads), suites that were pink, green and blue, saturated colors, accessories and makeup.big hand bags that matched the shoes, tight black pants with long shirts and flat shoes with pointed tips big hair styles.

90 : Grungy Seattle rocker vibes/men wear baggy pants/nude makeup and brownish colors for females. overalls and corduroy trousers and crazy big tshirts,

2000!

Silence

Silence!

Let me think about it a bit!

Again! Again!

Nothing! Surprisingly enough fashion had stopped developing. After a decade of different outfits, from tight pants to Charleston to strait ones to short skirts the new decade had stopped producing any new trends or any creative fashions identities or simply any new ideas or artistic self expression.

Since the beginning of time fashion has been a direct income of the current social and political situation, from the dirty pants of the 20s which were affected by the great depression to the 70's fashion that was the color for natural peace movements that was directed by hippies and the feminine dresses of the 50s that came after the horror of the world war and the emerging of mafia and the sexy elegant female figure.

At the end of the 21^st century and beginning the 22^nd, nothing special has emerged in the fields of art, architecture and the certainly not fashion. The 21^st century is too indulged in the rapid change of world movement, too incorporated in the globalization race that artists are so busy with following this hasty development in all aspect of their surrounding that they became too lazy to come up with new creative ideas! Creativeness and uniqueness has melted like cultures in one big pot and identities became hard to identify. Self expression technique varied and getting dressed like a mixture of multiple cultural tree has emerged on the surface like a poor new trend for the lack of any creative one.

1000

2010-06-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

i was so busy and i have not got the chance to notice my baby blog hitting 1000 user!
it is little bit freaky to realize that people can read my mind and know how i think and what i think about! i guess this is the first of living in the real world and lose my protected bubble! i guess!
Happy 1000 reader my baby blog

perfect!

2010-05-27T03:30:00.000-07:00

if god was perfect and aspired for perfection
if i was god's creation
then whey
i am not perfect!

stuipd fish

2010-05-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

سمكة غبية غرقت!
The stuipd fish is a joke that i have been saying for 5 years now and it has always made me laugh! this is what i imagine when someone tells me the joke or when i say it! it is one of those jokes that you either love or hate! and i love it:)

ps: some say that this joke was my invention :) am proud of that small stupid fish :)

Living in my own Lala Land

2010-05-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

loss of identity is a major issue that mixed people feel. Being raised in a house with two different cultures can be extremely confusing for both children and their parents.loss of identity , mixed feelings of belonging, confusion are companions they grow up with until it becomes part of their day to day life and the book that they follow to cope in a community of their own. A community that doesn't belong neither to their mum's side or to their father's. You can say they create their own LALA world where feelings of dispare are hidden and all the crazy fights between conscious and unconscious.

Having a Christian Russian mum and a Jordanian Arab dad i believe i am one of those mixes.( i know talk about total confusion of both levels religious and cultural! what a mess)

With the hardship that i had to endure to build my Lala Land that fits with my context and my society even though i refused it at first and all the extra strength i had to put to fit in, i FAILED!

well, not a total one but it is still a failure! in Russia i am considered uncivilized and un-cultured citizen and in Jordan i am considered a foreigner .As a person who tried really hard to blend in and inhale as much culture he can to feel security and belonging again today i failed!

Today i was classified as a Russian during a conversation at work, this time this classification was not based on my physical appearance or my language it was based on me accepting gay people, accepting whatever mistakes my kids will do even if they were extreme as pregnancy and accepting to swim in public! I was excused and given a very good reason to my liberalism! as weired as it seems it did not feel good.Years and years of building the base and the structure to what i call ME, today someone reveled the secret of my personality (of course am being sarcastic).

I did not ask to be understood or even to be respected god forbid, i only asked to be treated as a unique and free citizen of Lala Land and as a free voice away from my own background i dont want to be treated as (bint alajnabieh) or the daughter of the foreign anymore. I refuse to become an outcast again.

2010-05-12T04:26:00.000-07:00

taeb so , w ba3dain ..........i wonder what will happen next!

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2010-05-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

haven't posted anything lately and been extremely busy so i decided posting something tat dates to 2 years ago. digitally painted

being!

2010-04-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

How is it hard to understand the concept of being, the concept of living and the concept of being alive, how to be instead of think to be! to end the life you are living for the sake of keeping sanity.

getting 25!

2010-04-26T02:05:00.000-07:00

finally i hit 25! waw i never thought that i would be here.. 25 was a very long destination point that i never thought it would be reached. i thought i will feel older, smarter and maybe a bit hotter that i am a lady and i will wear makeup and high heels! 2 days ago i hit 25 and i still feel like am 15 ! i wear no makeup , still love my low heel and tennis shoe..
i got
2 scarfs
a braclet
sexy PJ
Tea box and a surprise red box inside
cute tshirt
swimming bag and flip flop
Urban book
sugar pot
and adorable earings and necklace:)and a cake with my name on it:)
:) i think i will love being 25:)

updates

2010-04-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Reading ....... Brave new world ( trying to finish the trilogy of dystopia)
Loving .....still loving HIM
preparing..... the House, the night, the crazy date
projects...... Project Lorie, Project life IS back...
Hating.... my work my and looking for a job
my mum is here it is good to go home and find a family waiting for u:)

logo design

2010-04-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

Kids logo for Amman Institute. characters previously designed be Daby Ihsan

!

2010-04-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

1984

2010-04-06T03:41:00.001-07:00

1984 by George Orwell

ABOLISH, LOVE,SEX, ART, SCIENCE,FAMILY,HUMAN RELATIONS! And you will end up with a pack of zombie's! Oh good zombies ! the ones who will work for you undlessly!

THOSE WHO CONTROL THE PRESENT CONTROL THE PAST!

One of the most influential classic books of all times, 1984 published in 1949 . George Orwell has created his own dystopia based on his political views and his own way of seeing the future. His imaginative world in a country called Oceania which is ruled by a collective oligarchic regime. The party after the revolution has managed to take the rules of totalitarianism into a new depth where everyone is being subjected to a 24 hour surveillance at that point even thoughts were censored and controlled.

Winston smith, an ordinary man who works in the department of truth changing facts and rewriting history as the party pleased, old and ill, believes that there is another way. At one point he meets a young lady named Julia and they start a love affair that they had to hide it away from the thought police.

Of course the story is not about the love affair, from the beginning of the book Orwell establish a bond between the reader and his main character. We sense his feelings and see the new bizarre structure of the society of Oceania through his eyes. His story continues and his relation to Julia gives his personality the power to evolve until it reaches it's climax with his encounter with O'brian who sets a drifting point in the story.

Pushing the envelope, the story reveals little by little the new aspects of the world they live in, Telescreen and hidden microphones, scarce food, abolishing art and science and abandoning all kinds of any human love or affection. Situated in London, the writers home proves that even this country is not immune to such regime. The dark society that the writers describe is closer to our everyday society and predicts a new way of suppression. By controlling the goods and the keeping the surplus value at one level they outer party manage to control the population to produce more and more. The new production

The story is a direct attack on the future of the so called socialist regime and the nig brother resemble Stalin (even in the appearance). Where rules and constructions were put to serve the good and benefit of the higher elite 1% . changing people's way of thinking converting them into walking salves!

People Behave!

2010-03-30T06:22:00.001-07:00

A list of the things that each mum should teach her son/daughter while she grows up to avoid all the embarrassments in your life

When you greet someone, if it is a girl meeting a girl then please note that one kiss on each cheek means 2 kisses only! Preferably no hugging or any extra emotional or touchy feelings cause it is just weird!
If the greeters were boy greeting a girl. Kneel softly towards her if she approached you then go on and kiss her only once on her cheek and preferably on her left one to avoid any embarrassment that might come from touching the lips because you both missed the right cheek to kiss and ended up kissing the middle part! If a hug is entitled then wait for her to approach you DON'T force her to hug you or kiss you because you will just seem lame!
If the greeting is between two males, if you don't have a secret hand shake then a simple shake will do. Avoid any type of kissing on the cheek or showing extra avoided affection (you would look gay!) if it is necessary a simple hug that involves wrapping only one arm around the other guy's shoulder and nearly touching his upper chest. Please note that the hug should last only for 2 seconds.
If you see an old friend or colleuge. Node your head with a weird smile and if he nodes back then wave your hand. DO NOT approach him from a distance because those moments of him approaching are the most awkward moments on earth. while the person is approaching I bit many thoughts would occur in the other parts head! " amm, what am I supposed to say now! , amm, how ugly she looks now that I broke up with her!, mmmm I bet I will show him now who is the boss! "and at the meeting place the two parts would be talking about amm how are you and how is your work! Aww my work is better that your! Amm am going to the states! ( as if it heaven and I should be jealous that he is going to et the forbidden truth! so to avoid all that! Just follow the rules!

posters

2010-03-30T03:43:00.001-07:00

posters done for the New mash up party for Rami abbasi:)

Gyming

2010-03-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, long long time ago, in a distant old city lay a weired machine. A machine that looked so peacefull sometimes beautiful and so unique, but everyone in the village knew the true story behind its existence. As harmless and as wiered it looked , its function was beyond bad and evil. Its mesteriouse looks gave the chill to whoever knew the truth. The evil machine was the torture master who made even the incents confess about crimes they have not done or even thought about doing. It came on many levels and in many shapes. one with spikes and one with a hammer while the other has claws and it is called the Claw of the Cat. they were differently done and differently shaped but one thing was in common they all were designed to cause pain!

100 years later, things are not much different. even after all those revolutions and all those human rights bills!

Torture machines still exist! They are nicer, most of them come in blue colors and padded with cut and comfortable sefenge cloth. Tey are all gathered in one nice place and most important people pay money for it! yes believe me they do! they go and subscribe every day to go to this new place they call GYM . They force their arms, legs and stomach to be tortured and to casue more and more untolerable pain, and when the muscle contracts they willingly put more and more weight to cause more and more pain!!!!!!

:)

2010-03-24T04:35:00.000-07:00

i loved this idea and i thogh i would be adding it :) this is awsome

you can find it on Humancalender.com and thank you sreaminartist.wordpress.com for sharing it. :) dont you just love how awsome technology can be:)

updates

2010-03-23T02:53:00.000-07:00

Reading ....... 1984
Loving ..... My baby boy:)
preparing..... the big night :)
projects...... Project Lorie...
Hating.... my house and my car :(
Dear Dear Dear blog I am back :)

trials1

2010-02-15T02:22:00.000-08:00

Valantines

2010-02-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

Hating or loving this day is a relative matter. dependent on having a significant other or not. it can be the best day of your life .. filled with gifts .. chocolate.. flowers teddy bears and all sort of cute cuddly expensive stuff or you can spend your time crying and calling your friends to ease it up on you. it is a phenomena stronger than christmas or birthday it is the day that every single person celebrates, even if he was single. Couples celebrate it because it is a date to show their love and remember why did they fall in love while singles remember that they are lonely creatures and that they are growing older and they should defeat this hard time by celebrating with their friends and closest family though valentine is exclusively for your other half!
From another point of view, it can a very good economy booster. Yesterday in Amman alone around 1 milion Jd was spent on gifts and flowers, let alone the expensive ( insanely expensive) restaurants. I belive more money was spent yesterday than the money that was spent in Christmas and Eid combined. Happiness to be fallen on singles, couples and business people.

AGAIN

2010-02-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

Again another black out caused this time by an evil force.... and when i say evil .. OHHHH believe me it is evil and dangerous on the human kind. this evil force comes in the form of a blond fat ugly 40 year old bitch who mistakenly was given some power and decided to pour her sexual deprived on us... well, am glad that this crazy black out is gone though that the cause is not but humans know to compromise and maneuver their ways to sustain their existence.

here i announce by know that this stupid black out is over.

Living In Amman In the 90s

2010-01-28T02:22:00.001-08:00

Amman this crazy city that we call home, A city that deliberately is killing her past and continues to do so every day. World cities live in a collaborative process they build their future on a defined past. The past is celebrated and manifested but a new modern city like Amman prefers to destroy its past and establish a new future somewhere else. Its evolution is purely linear and dependent on external references.

To look at some of the cases where this theory is best places one must look at some of its historical buildings that once were and now they are dust.

First example is ( makha lajamea alarabia) the first and most important café in the city that was destroyed couple of years ago to give place to another building. Another example is the Cinema Gallery . those who lived in the 90s in Amman they remember it to be the only hanging place and the coolest place to be , Showing the latest America movies. Of course Gallery cinema had killed another cinema as well like the urdon cinema and alkhayam but in the later cases the buildings still stand but gallery was destroyed to give place to another gigantic building designed by Khalid nahhas, A renounced architect of this time.

The second example s abdoun mall, this huge building introduced the culture of one shopping center but apparently missed up few things and was not enough to satisfy the eagerness of its occupants. Few years later comes its pierce in the total opposite direction and takes the crowd away leaving this expensive to build sculpture into a deserted island.

Other 90s examples like the Jabal Hussian being the best shopping place until the monstrous swaifieh takes its place, the cute little Haya Center and Filfeleh restaurant that now its glittery shine has vanished, Shuman library that was replaced by invasion of internet in the Jordanian houses.

Along with many examples this process weakens the infrastructure of the city and leaves it falling under its internal exposition. Sustainable development is the key for these major issues. Not only planting trees ( which we don't ) but to reconsider the using of old building instead of demolishing them and creating candy like buildings.

Migrant mother

2010-01-17T06:18:00.000-08:00

this is what i call being obsessed by an image....
The image of a worn, weather-beaten woman, a look of desperation on her face, two children leaning on her shoulders, an infant in her lap; has become a photographic icon of the Great Depression in America. The photo was taken in March 1936 at a camp for seasonal agricultural workers 175 miles north of Los Angeles by Dorothea Lange. Lange was working for the Farm Security Administration as part of a team of photographers documenting the impact of federal programs in improving rural conditions.

a boost of ego

2010-01-17T06:05:00.000-08:00

logo proposals for Volunteer Europe 2011.. the second one reached the final stage after 2 selection processes.. it was good looking at my humble colored logo competing with some of the biggest designers from all over the world. still waiting for the result sometime in 2010.. keeping my fingers crossed

scrambling

2010-01-17T00:56:00.000-08:00

london thought 2009....

Etopia Amman

2010-01-12T07:38:00.001-08:00

Etopia in Amman .. the name of the workshop conducted by Rusailah Bazlamit as part of the Etopia lecture by Micheal Sorkin in Amman. the purpose of the three hour exercise is to look at amman from a utopian point of view discuss the tangible aspects that requires change. 10 participant from different backgrounds were gathered for a quick 3 hour session to do collages and create a new image for the city.

the following are mine the first one manifests the redesigning the in-between spaces and converting them into more active and safe environment and the second is to convert buildings into paintings and beautiful colors.

In the Middle of Two years

2010-01-03T23:28:00.000-08:00

january is one of those months that i consider a transitional month because personally it represents a space between what was and what is going to be. the middle point between 2009 and 2010 ..

2009 for me was the year of traveling.. unlike other people i enjoyed each bit of it and traveled each month. created anew life style and at the end of it i achieved peace of mind.
here is this year in pictures... so many things!

Syriology

2009-12-27T03:28:00.000-08:00

Again i will use my strong ability of inventing verbs! this weekend we were syraning! means investigating Syria! on anyother occasion i wont use such terms but his was a tribute to my dear friend Dani. all the time we spent getting lost and getting on the nerves of the Syrians is remarkable and admirable. this is a country that knows how to live and how to celebrate its Christmas.

skeis

2009-12-24T03:25:00.000-08:00

Christams

2009-12-23T02:44:00.000-08:00

Adding up

2009-12-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

To understand human nature is a complicated design analysis process, it painful , vain , hard and it's change is unpredictable and depends on the type of chromosome that constituted this marvelous design, of course whether it was X or Y. lets elaborate on X here , i truly believe that x is way much more bewildering and more unpredictable. she keeps on creating reasons and personalities that Y cant keep with. she hold multi layers and keeps changing them every second.Mood swings, believes, ideological believes, taste in clothes, taste in shoes, taste in men, favorite movies, favorite music and most likely best friends. for a woman the biggest problem can be solved with a piece of chocolate or a pair of nice shoe. she would monitor her life till she lays her claws on the perfect man and then only then she shows her sharp teeth to the poor man. (ofcourse sarcastically speaking)

Even though many would disagree, but women have the ultimate power to manipulate, argue or even to discourse any kind of argument and any kind of decision her Superior man is willing to take.

All this shows real power that women have. they hold the ultimate power in the universe, ancient people knew that and that is why they framed her as the goddess. the modern man knew that and that is why he decided to break her down.and worst of all he wants her to fight for her rights! the rights that are supposed to be given to her by birth ! he wants her to be proud and happy for achieving minimal tasks like being a pilot or becoming a taxi driver! he took the right from her and he is now proud of her because she managed to achieve! honestly am ashamed of people who are proud of the first pilot woman becasue this is the normal situation not a celebrated event!
Shame on you men ! shame on you !

Seriously!

2009-12-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

like seriously!!!

i dont understand few things in life and they seems super bizarre though for me they are super clear! like why do i have t stay in the office doing nothing and gazing endlesly at my screen while i have nothing to do ! if i have finished the things i was supposed to do then why is an obligation to sty in a place that i dont to stay inand doing somthing i dont want to do ! practically ,thy shouldnt pay me for those hours! am not doing any actual work!

the second stuipd thing! someone writing on thier picture.. brother for life! ok so the fact that you are brothers is indeed FOR LIFE! are you gonna stop being brothers after a while! lets say a year! dose it hold the same meaning when two lovers write on thier facebook picture TOGETHER FOR EVER! well, i can understand that but BROTHERS FOR LIFE! that is too much ! am not really sure why people run after chliches like they are a creative act somehow!

I HATE mean mean mean mean mean people and i dont mean Wajdy mean! i mean people who would talk abot you behind thier back and they stab you in the back AGAIN! yes again and again and again! seriously they dont think other people would know that they they fooling them and they are only looking more stuipd!

ho ho ho Marry Christams

2009-12-18T02:23:00.001-08:00

GIFTS WE WANT GIFTS GIFTS

http://slash-autobiography2.blogspot.com/2009/12/men-lose-their-minds-speaking-to-pretty.html

Faces

2009-12-10T03:42:00.001-08:00

Egypt , a marvelous country full with contradiction. Foreigners won't understand all the overlapping scenarios but we Arab tourists can relate to. All the scenes we saw in real life we have already got accustomed to seeing them in the movies. One of the most adorable and bedazzling scenes that we saw in Egypt is this man who was sitting and looking at my huge camera that was staring at him in the eye. He sat there while I was secretly taking his picture. Emotionless and carless he stands for a big percentage of the Egyptian population. The crazy person who looks at you and asks you for a pictures and stands there proud of himself wearing his galabia ( the national dress ) and his American glasses. J What a country!

virtual objectification

2009-12-08T04:52:00.000-08:00

The portable digital camera is the best product man kind had ever invented. The tiny tool that is based on a simple physical law and requires only mirrors and lenses is an essential part of our lives in the 20^th Centaury indeed is has created a boom in the art industry and shifted the initial essence of the act of painting. The tiny hand held device is the magical god that captures surrounding moments, touristic monuments, emotions, expressions and most of all people’s memory and fragments of their life. the obsessive addictive device managed to mentally capture its user and captivate him in the bordered world the camera is able to create. The interior pixels create various worlds and optimum reality. The objects that compose any image are independent of its own though each has a role but combined together they provide a magical dialogue with each other, but the most astonishing is that they take the life of their own and become immortal. The objects might change positions and arrangements thus changing their conceivable reality. For the photographer those photos would become his own belonging his is the god that created this world and little by little the lens becomes the eye that he hides behind to conceive the actual surrounding. He is rediscovering life on his own terms. At one point this self created god might die but his self created would forever live.

The series below are instant emotions and moments that are lost in the everyday life. the images were bewildering even for the actors appear in the photos. The captured emotions were a shock and astonishing.

EID

2009-11-28T04:28:00.000-08:00

needless to say that i hate eid and hate the social activities that comes with it. but looking at it from economical point of view it is the smartest system ever created for the smartest ideology in the world. the fact that it uses religion as a drive to ensure cash flow and money movement to sustain the market . to be honest very impressive! very very unique! the day before eid streets are packed with people who literally run towards good and clothes, towards food and drinks. face book is filled with the happy eid statuses and the tagged pictures that in this particular eid shows salutered sheep! why dose it have to be a sheep this cute white animal! no one knows but i suppose the Animal rights foundation has nothing to do except staying still and watching those cute creatures slaughtered! i wonder if the same things happened to dogs!

personally i love EID! amazing time to witness people's low IQ and their naiveness! and an amazing paid holiday!

developmnts

2009-11-25T02:38:00.000-08:00

Reading : Mortal Citie
listening : Jazz.fm ( streaming the whole day )
loving : Theodore Dystovsky
Projects: Project Lorie-Project Life-Project City !
waiting : the results of the Logo ! My new EOS camera !
hoping to go Brussel :)
Hating : my car !

21st centaury slavery

2009-11-22T01:26:00.001-08:00

World organizations argue that the age of slavery has ended after the world war and now our life is filled with the slogans of the civil rights foundations. Scholars started studying human rights in universities! As if human right is a subject to be studied and comprehended! As if the simple right to be respected and the right to be free and SIMPLY LIVE has to be scripted on paper and spoken in world wide conferences ! It has to be studied to find its way in this living world!

But again even with this media mess and the obligation to exist, we are still not free. Even in the middle of the 21^st century we are still slaves for the head of the capital in other words the sheep owner! The owner that haven't read the human right declaration and haven't had any human right course or read any management book! Worst of all someone who knows nothing and understand nothing and thinks that the world revolves around his money! It is one thing to be slaves for the corporation and the institution , it is one thing that one doesn't own his own time for the sake for balanced life, it is one thing to be a slave for the capitalism, for advertising agencies, for the mass media, for the law, for religion, for mass destruction or for global economy but to be a slave for stupidity and mood swing to be slave for a sheep owner. this is the new slavery of the 21^st century that not even Luther king has expected ! He had a dream! But he forgot to sleep in the first place!

2009-11-19T02:18:00.000-08:00

ONE LIFE...... ONE BLOG

2009-11-18T12:43:00.001-08:00

ok you have to admit that having a blog is one of the craziest and wierdest things in life! if i was told that 6 years ago i would have a facebook page, multiple acounts on the crazy ning network and a BLOG! i will totally freak out and go crazy . to me that would be a sort of opening up and exposing feeling and emotions this will be showing fear, craziness, love, hate and most of all showing my vulnerable points.looking at the issue form this perspetive i have this struggle each time i post something on this page. this is not a professional hotspot where hard words and design issues is discussed. this is not an online portfolio where things can be bragged about . this is not a complete journal to serve as a personal notebook, definatly not personal since poeple can follow it and read things! untill this moment i havent figured out what this blog means or where it shall end! it is just as messy as my life is and as crazy and random as all the thoughts in my head. i will keep jugging between words and betweens life by at least it is ONE life and it is totally mine and it is one blog ( for now) and it is totally mine.

Beat That UP

2009-11-11T06:47:00.001-08:00

Mother Motherland monument

It just feels good to dig more in the Russian history and to find all the crazy things those Russians do and capable of doing. This memorial of huge sizes was built in the end of 50's to pay the tribute to the memory of those people who were killed on their duties during the WWII. The monument is in Guinness Book of World Records as the highest monument at that time. The woman symbolizes Russia and is two times higher than Statue of Liberty with 85 meters high (~280 feet.)

2009-11-11T02:43:00.000-08:00

Vandalism in Jabal Al-Joufe

2009-11-09T03:08:00.001-08:00

8^th of November is now marking a new date that will be joined and linked to the events of the rebellion and vandalism in Ma'an and the renowned fights in the JU university over one Caucasian girl . Where on the opposite side big billboard advertisements stand in the face of the citizens promising with a more modern and a brighter future, the situation in Jabal Al joufe (eastern Amman) promises otherwise. The death of one young man who descends to one famous tribe leads to destroying public and private properties ; ironically including a public hospital that offers free of charge treatment.

One might relate those actions to the escalating economical situation of the country or the rage against the corrupt government but such action that came as consequence of the death of their son in the hospital after being admitted couple of weeks as result of a street fight. The tribe gave itself the right to form its own constitution and ask for the person responsible for his death of course asking for their revenge. Revenge in Jordan has always formed itself as a base in the tribal constitution. Usually the result of such action is either the death of the killer or a huge amount of money that would be agreed upon by the two parts of the family.

this year we are celebrating Amman's 100 birthday , we are making bigger cities and taller buildings, we are providing more services and we have better education and more jobs but on the other side we are turning into more savage people and our points are becoming narrower and narrower. we higher expensive people to plan streets and buildings that we destroy when we get mad about and seek revenge. We neglect the increase in the gas and food we neglect the increasing rate of unemployment but we never let go of revenge and hand the power to the authority! Maybe the city needs a new master plan for what is on the inhibitors head before planning what is under their feet.

Saint Peterburg-Intensive lense

2009-11-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

i left my soul there

2009-11-02T01:39:00.000-08:00

A city I barely know, a city I barely lived in, though I claim it to be mine and claim to own its wind, snow, rivers and bridges. I claim to understand its people, its routine and its everyday life. Here I am walking like an alien in its streets, following the curves of the Neva River on my touristic map. I walk counting the tiles on the floors, the falling autumn leaves on the fresh green grass, the lighten windows on the classical facades.

I walk like an alien in the city that brought peace to my heart, in the city that it completely owned by me the same city that witnessed my birth. I left my soul there to be the impress of the palace and the owner of the houses, the blessed goddess that protects the rivers and the boats, the protector of the winter and the summer palace, the savior of the white legged trees of the continues forests. I mixed with the blood of Alexander and spilled on the Blood of the Savior Cathedral and mingled it with the water of the river and the rain. I am the power that opens the bridges at night to draw beautiful drawings against the black sky.

قلت ابتسم يكغي التجهم في السما

2009-10-21T03:23:00.000-07:00

Metamorphosis

2009-10-13T00:20:00.000-07:00

Franz Kafka

Gregor who suddenly over night turns into an insect over night is locked tragically in his new body. The story beautifully reveals his emotional struggle between his new identity as an insect and his old self as a working human being. He desperately refuses his new self and afraid of what he might become. He clings to his human self by clinging to his emotional feelings towards his family. He knew that insects don’t love or hate and they certainly don’t have emotions, for him as long as he gets hold of those these emotions then his transformation is not complete. Throughout the progress of the story lot his behaviors change and so is his family’s reaction to him. They stopped considering him as a brother or a son rather gradually they looked at him in sympathy and disgust until the end of the story when they his being is contradicting with their being.

What legitimizes a human being, is it the memory that he prints in people’s mind, is it the amount of money that they posses and willing to give. their attachment to one another is governed by a thin line that can be cut by time . everyone is replaceable and surely everyone is disposable even if the emotions in hand are pure family emotions. In gregor’s case, he was the money provider for the family and they depended on him hence he was respected. When he lost his ability to be involved in the working field they had to abandon him and look for other sources.

The story magically reveals the feeling of an insect, the way it moves or crawls on the walls, the way it eats or aches, the way it thinks and corresponds to external effects, we see this thorough his feeling of despair and shame of not being able to help his family, his feelings of hurt and deep sorrow and sadness. It should not be read in a biased manner towards him or his family , it is a story of every day happening and everyday life. the disgusting feelings of an insect that might push the reader to vomit while the feelings o f the family and their disgusting means of survivor after the his death is two sides of one coin.

i love :)

2009-10-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

1. i love it when you put your fingers on your moustache when you think .

2. i love it when you smile at me when you predict what am going to do or say.

3. i love it when you play your guitar while waiting for me to get ready to leave.

4. i love it when you get so upset and mad when you are nicotine deprived or when you hungry.

5. i love it when you put music just for me and always put jazz followed by nora jones just to make me smile cause u know i love her

6. i love it when you listen to me when i talk about architectural stuff and try to make sense of what i am saying.

7. i love it when you kiss me and then look in my eyes and tell me that you miss me.

8. i love it when you wear nice and tidy shirts even though you hate them just to please me.

9. i love it when you dance with me in the street whenever you hear a nice song being played.

10. i love it when you come home with my favourite gummy bears and my favourite chocolate.

11. i love it when you know my size and know my style in clothes. most of all i love when you go shopping with me and hold the tones of clothes that i chose knowing that i will only buy one.

12. i love when you talk to my sisters and joke with me about me and about my crazy habits.

13. i love it when u allow me to bite you and pinch even tough it hurts you.

14. i love it when you move your head wen you play the guitar.

15. i love it when you make my morning coffee in order to avoid the monster :)

16. i love it when you join me for a cup of tea ..... in the tea pot that i insisted to have and you bought for me willingly :)

17. i love it when you act as if you were reading while you are just making a point and not talking to me and acting mad.

18. i love it when you get upset and mad when am late or when i say something illogical , you have funny expressions when you get upset.

19. i love it when you get worried if i did not answers your emails during the day when we are at work.

20. i love it when you eat with me though you are full cause u know i hate to eat alone.

21. i love it when u trust me while driving and don't freak out whenever a car passes by.

22. i love it when you still love me even if you were waiting for me for an hour.

23. i love it when you get upset and jealous when i get dressed and put on a new shirt when am going to meet Aby's friend ( the ambassador ) :)

24. i love it when you solve all kind of riddles and the answer for all the questions of the world

25. i love it when you start bragging about the things that you know and the dates that you memorise :) saying they are important.

inspired by Tamayo2

2009-10-08T06:58:00.000-07:00

my tiny tiny

2009-10-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

I have a tiny tiny box in my bag that I keep, filled with rosemary roses and sweet memories. Apple seeds with a bit of lemon drips in my box.with beatiful colored edges like a mexican bride,bright red and yellow with drops of green. Rarely I open it now in order not to lose the scent that has been accumulating during the years and is inhabiting the space that is holding most of my memories and my hidden treasures. In this box I used to play hide and seek with my self. Many times I caught myself hiding in the midst of the flowers of that box beyond all the logic and all the numbers that dazzles my little brain. In my box I have hidden so long that I learnt the melodies of the silent notes and I embraced the colors of the rainbow glowing in the sky. I wrinkled the purple papers that for so long occupied my sketchbook and mixed with the roses making them my bed. I stayed so long in my box that now it is time to bury it and open a new one.

shity mind

2009-10-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

woman at point Zero -Nawal sadawi

2009-10-01T02:33:00.000-07:00

The book opens up with the internal conflict of the powerful doctor that feels challenged by this prisoner named ferduis that refuse to meet her . her silence left the doctor hopeless and powerless, feeling that she has beaten by a killer who would be dead in few days. The psychological defeat of one man is only attained by silence. But at the end of the book the author/doctor admits that a killer who is true and honest is more powerful and honest than her. a killer who seeks her oneness is more powerful that a neurologist. Sitting on the ground feeling intermediated by the power around ferduis and her existence the doctor she doesn’t feel the coldness of the bare rough concrete. Ferduis slowly unravels graphically her story her emotions and her way of looking at people’s eyes in attempt t o understand them. He life is tragic filled with oppression and rejection by everyone she meets, abused in her childhood and adulthood, practically the story of 50% of women in the middle east.

The story jumps between the temples of fear and hate at one point and hate and anger at another, between black small eyes and the light they reflect as the ferduis address. This is not a story of prostitute thriving for compassion this is a story of a strong powerful woman who seek the freedom of her soul in a society controlled by sexual creatures called men.
At one point in her life she understands the contradicting parts of a relationship and gains control by choosing to be a prostitute. At some parts of the book she tries to blend in the society holding her “respect” with her high school diploma but she fails. When she decides to regain her freedom of choice she gains respect, when she decides to tell the truth in a world full of men’s lies she gets prosecuted and considered as a dangerous woman.

The content is powerful and tackles aspects of social, economical and religious society . taking the reader through a turbulent life with child abuse, child molestation, circumcision, rape, betrayal by people that led to her explosion in a life she struggled to adapt to but she couldn’t.

محادثة

2009-09-30T01:54:00.000-07:00

بيننا و بين السماء 2 كم لكن ليس كلنا يريد ان يمشي او حتى ان يفتح عينيه!

يا زلمة افتح عينيك و شوفها هايها كريبة
يكفي التجهم في السما يا اخي
ها و شو هاظ تجهم!

procastinate

2009-09-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

procrastinate /proʊkr'æstɪneɪt/
procrastinates 3rd person present; procrastinating present participle; procrastinated past tense,past participle
If you procrastinate, you keep leaving things you should do until later, often because you do not want to do them. VERB formal
Most often we procrastinate when faced with something we do not want to do. V
procrastination N-UNCOUNT /proʊkr'æstɪn'eɪʃən/
He hates delay and procrastination in all its forms.

a new word that i just learnt , am using this word almost 10 times a day, i wonder how my life was before i knew it exists. i wonder what things are there waiting for me to explore them and see how my life would change if i knew them .
back to the procastiation, since i got to the architectural school i found it really hard to start working on things specially if the process of thinking is envolved. i would do a cup of coffe, i will fix my room, i will read a book that i bought two years ago , iwill check my facebook three times per minute! hoooo it was pretty hard to start ! for me things were never logical so i decided to run away from logic to feelings and i started to design what feels right and it always turned out o be right, so procastination ... ammm i think i was just procastinating ,...

i was not actually intouch with my inner feelings!

dancer

2009-09-24T02:38:00.000-07:00

water and steel wires

2009-09-24T02:19:00.000-07:00

nothing was more dazzeling than the horizon line between the sky and the sea. from the series steel bar and water

bits from london

2009-09-24T02:07:00.000-07:00

colored matroshka

2009-09-24T02:00:00.000-07:00

smart dress!

2009-09-24T01:21:00.000-07:00

smart dresses, who would've thought that after smart architectur we would tranform our dresses into smart ! i guess there is smart fever going in the world! no room for stuiped.

what if i filled my life with colors!

2009-09-24T00:43:00.000-07:00

طيارة من ورق

2009-09-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

اي ولك جينا لهون و بعدين لشو! حتى نحن صرنا سلعة ترويجية اهلا تكنلوجيا!

تانيا

اسمك انت تانيا

ايه لكن من هلا بقا اسمك تانيا

ايه لنو اسهل الفظه هلا

انت نليمة لما عاملة حالك نايمة !

2003 movie i took out from the shelves thinking that i would see Ziad rahbnai or hear some of his songs! at least something as good as good of his plays!

instead see a repetition for something i have seen already in three movies and ziad had a minor part in it. even if they erased his role if would affect the plot! the movie is not bad over all, cinematography and amazing colours. the story is about the Israeli occupation in a durzi village. half of the village belongs to the Lebanese side and the other belongs to the Israeli side and there a huge mine field separating the both sides. women stand on the edge every day shouting at each other with their intimate life details. a situation that a lot Lebanese Palestinian people know it very well. the plot revolves around a girl that is forced to leave to the other side and marry her cousin while she is in love with the Israeli soldier who is ziads friend. the girl hates the boy and tells him that in his face telling him that she is in love with someone else.at the end the girl is sent back to her family.

i was tying to figure out a deeper meaning to the movie or more subtle maybe a bit sarcastic but excuse my low IQ i couldn't.

Reem

2009-09-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

i once had a friend named Reem, a sweet girl who was my best friend for a long time. i shared secrets and joy with her, we shared a tiny Little room in irbid. haven't seen her for almost 2 years now and havent talked to her for 4 years. not knowing why and how , not knowing whether it was me to her , but for me it was easier to blame her and put on her, it was easier to say i hate her rather than talking to her about the real problem and sort it out. maybe things would have been different if we just talked.

after a year we meet and we talk, all secrets were revealed and the hurtful words we said are put on the table. she became this beautiful person and wonderful loving, living spirit. she has grown to be a sweet person that i have missed for the past years.

this is a special post for that person and a special welcome to my life.

!

2009-09-13T03:20:00.001-07:00

i urge a house on the see.... i dream of waves hitting my side of the sea shore. i miss you and i know that i do .. i miss you and i know that i urge you and i have you in my bubble. i miss you and i walk on the street knowing this fact and urging this feeling. i miss you and when this sad and angry lonely feelings hover in my chest i can fee it in my tummy . i miss you and i know i do and i know i will .

2009-09-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

هممت بالرحيل لكني فضلت البقاء.ليس لأن سيارتي لم تعد تعمل لكن لأن أقدامي لم تقبل ان ترحل و فضلت البقاء على المشي. لذا القي اللوم عليها لا علي.

school reunion

2009-09-11T04:32:00.000-07:00

nostalgia filled me and a the old forgotten memories has overwhelmed my head with the old laughteres and the old times we spent walking down the same passage i used for every second for three years, and when i say three years i mean every second , i was living at the dorms then and this school was the center of my life. now after six years i visit it again, what a weired feeling to be walking in the midst of memories and look at every corner of the big massive structure to find all the hidden memories in the old rusty mind.

6 years meant that 6 generations has passed, what was i thinking when i thought that i might see some of my old colleagues, every one has already moved on and the memories has burned into ashes, everything we had, all the good time is already gone.no matter how hard we cried on our last day and no matter how we tried so hard to document each second of our last year and take pictures for every corner at the end we let dust eat those pictures and we barely speak if we saw each other on the street. human relations are so weired. it is hard to say that but they relate to a concrete space and to a a building more than they relate to human beings, maybe because building dont change and they stay the way they are and humans turn to monsters after they hit 20!

SNOBS

2009-09-09T05:10:00.000-07:00

I hate snobs! A snob mean a person who claims to work for the community cares about the community and cares about children and their identity and the way they view Amman would refuse to help another project that serves the same purpose with one difference! It will not have his name on it!

A Marxist snob who claims on top of all that to be a Marxist! And to claim reading the books of marx and to care about prolitaria while in fact he comes down from his pajero or hammer h3 and brag how much the community needs attention ! SNOBS! Communists SNOBS!

Honor crimes

2009-09-09T04:41:00.000-07:00

Statistics shows that 25 woman die yearly in Jordan because of honor crime.

An honor crime – fimicide – the act of violence against a relative usually a daughter or a sister for suspicion of losing virginity , even if the case was a rape or abuse or even if the woman was a victim of gossips she will have to pay the price.

in Jordan potential victims ( women ) are jailed ( protective custody ) instead of their predators for their own safety as it is stated in the police reports and will not be released until a male relative signs a paper promising the safety of the woman, yearly 40 women are jailed with no way out or a clear solution for alomost 10 to 15 years!

I googled HONOR CRIMES and all the results that I found was either written by Jordanian bolggers or written about Jordan ! I found this a bit wearied the reasons were either that we are the only ones who can bluntly speak about it or we are the only one who have crime honors! Well I will let you decide! But this act opened the eyes of the Human Rights Watch and recently it asked Jordan to reconsider the Honor crime law in the Jordanian constitution . Jordan responded by stating that this law was canceled and that the decision now in the hand of the house of representatives!

Well of course the law was not canceled as the statement hinted and we still have the law that gives the killer a sentence of 3 months if the crime was committed on a fit of fury base! Well and of course Jordanina men are furious about their honor even if the crime was committed after months from the relative knowing of the sexual act! If it happened in the first place!

This cover for this violent is for a reason and it is covering a certain group and serves a definite reason, men can cover up with this verdict at any case of women disobedience even if it was her only fault is merely existing! or her sharing her brother in the family money !

Such a shame! A shame in a country that acts with all this development and modernization! A country that brags about having a new master plan and new high-rise and a new vision! Such a shame that we still deep inside live in a tribal community!

( a flake dropped from the sky , afraid and shattered, hurt and savataged, the poor flake drops on the ground awaiting to be stepped at and to crushed for the reason that she was dropped! Dropping on a window she felt relived to fall on a safe place, happy to close her eyes and sleep , she never knew that she will not open them again because the sun sentenced her to die, the upper power of justice and warmth has broken her promise to god. A promise stated to protect the flake and nurture her. The glass window wept in silent because his hands were tightened and couldn’t hold it before the flakes melts. Hands tightened by humans)

!

2009-09-07T03:55:00.000-07:00

وجوده قد يغضب او يبدي اعتراضه او حتى يرفع شكوى او عريضة لكنه يعود الى عقله و يفضل أن ينام!

Popeye and the time of the great depression

2009-09-02T05:08:00.001-07:00

First c reated by : Elzie Segan

First published in King Features Syndicate

Don't you find it wired that Popeye
( the famous cartoonish character in America) was created in 1929-the time of the great depression! The perfect time for creating a new icon-aw gaining a huge destructive power by eating only one food ingredient ! Am not really sure if the massage to be addressed here is –come on people you can feed on only ingredient and you will become super strong ! ( a bit socialist I guess! But again we are talking about 1929! ) well any how this marvelous cartoon icon was a part of already published comic strip in 1919 and haven't appeared till 1929 as a minor character and then after the huge success-I suppose because of the economical situation-The character was associated with get rich schemes and moral and social behaviors . until that period he was merely a comic strip in a published magazine. His most evident characteristic was a simple sailor man seeking justice for the common people.!!!!

Of course in 1933 when actually Popeye became a filmic cartoon by fliecher Studios the whole epic story of the delight humble and ( socialist ) character depicting people's struggle at that time has mutated to a horny man following Olivia and fighting Bluto the villain who would steal her from him!

In 1948 –world war 2 Popeye becomes a celebrated soldier who actually joins the Navy and the animation shows him wearing the navy and fighting the Nazis and the Japanese. ( MM I wonder if he would now fight in Iraq!)

Any way telling the story of Popeye and the way it had evolved is like telling a story of the history of the unite-states and economical and political situation sometimes evens its stands towards certain ideologies. But at the current time it only represents consumer ship, entertainment, and the matcho powerful man. A sincere presentation of the utopia the state has created or a simple documentation of existing heterotopias! Am not really sure and I don't think that this the subject of discussion here , things now are much more simpler that it used to be and the whole issue of Mr Popeye invading Japan, Germany or Even Iraq! I bet he prefers to invade the Cartoon Network or more simply Olivia's panties.

Picture by Jeff Koons

round 2-volleyball

2009-08-31T13:19:00.001-07:00